dr_dearest

Counting down the minutes

kushlin@gmail.com — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 18:15:41 GMT

ICU night shift.
Three and a half hours to go.
All of the patients are either intubated or crazy.
The staff aren't far behind on the crazy.
Need sleep.
Many days of sleep.

Survived and relieved

kushlin@gmail.com — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 05:30:39 GMT

So I survived by my big scary surgery lst week and didn't need ICU or a blood transfusion and didn't die which I was very happy about. Thank goodness for excellent (albeit expensive) surgeons!

People were a little freaked when they saw me afterwards looking a rather ghoulish shade of blue from the dye used during the operation but that is gone now (as is most of the yellow iodine staining). The first 24 hours were very rough (lots of pain and lots of nausea and vomiting) but I seem to have been fairly steadily improving each day since. Went from hospital to my parents place and am now back home and enjoyed sleeping in my own bed last night. I can also now shower myself although I still need help washing my hair. Got some beautiful flowers from people and my house is currently a bit like a florist's shop. Hector (my dog) was certainly pleased to see me when I got home, although he hasn't quite worked out yet why he can't jump on me like he usually does ;-P Basically, I scream in pain and he looks very guilty and confused and tries to lick me better!

Anyway, that's about all I have the energy for right now (especially in this heat!). Will update again soon.

First real registrar night shift

kushlin@gmail.com — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:24:52 GMT

Tonight is my first real anaesthetic registrar night shift at Middlemore. I didn't do nights as a first year reg in Whangarei and while I did three night shifts at the Manukau Surgical Centre a earlier this month, it doesn't really count as there is no acute surgery or obstetrics (ie: no potential for actually doing anything anaesthetic - we're just there in the rare case of a cardiac arrest or similar).

Anyway, I finished up the cases tonight about midnight, after which we only do "life or limb" surgery and I have been carrying the obstetric pager (for labour epidurals and Caesarean sections). It looked like there would at least one Caesarean section coming but then the patient delivered on her own, and so far it has been, dare I say it, quiet.

So I went upstairs to sleep at about 2am. There's a vaguely comfortable camp stretcher and some plastic hospital pillows etc and after quite a while just lying there, maybe anticipating my pager going, maybe just because it was hot (although I didn't really want to peel down to my underwear in case I had to run to an emergency!), I slept. For an hour. I've been awake since. Silly circadian rhythm...already completely buggered up...and I didn't even have any caffeine tonight!

Fun things on the internet...

kushlin@gmail.com — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 08:14:14 GMT

A few links I'd like to share...

Funky t-shirts

Where you can buy plushy syphilis, ebola and other goodies...

From one of my work colleagues

kushlin@gmail.com — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:05:58 GMT

NEW MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY

Artery: The study of paintings
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria
Barium: What doctors do when patients die
Benign: What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section: A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterise: Made eye contact with her
Colic: A sheep dog
Coma: A punctuation mark
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Quicker than someone else
Fibula: A small lie
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff: A doctor's cane
Morbid: A higher offer
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates
Node: I knew it
Outpatient: A person who has fainted
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative: A letter carrier
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery
Rectum: Nearly killed him
Secretion: Hiding something
Seizure: Roman emperor
Tablet: A small table
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
Tumour: One plus one more
Two Condoms: To be sure, to be sure
Urine: Opposite of 'you're out'

And he shall be Dawson no longer

kushlin@gmail.com — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:06:55 GMT

Having seen a few episodes on TV in recent years, I have been systematically watching Season 1 and now Season 2 of "Criminal Minds" and really enjoying it. For those who don't know, its a drama based around the BAU (Behavioural Analysis Unit) of the FBI who profile serious criminals. It has at least one fairly big star, Mandy Patinkin (of many fames, including as Inigo Montoya in "The Princess Bride").

I also have to admit to, in the past, being a fan of "Dawson's Creek". Tragically, I do in fact own the entire series on DVD (although have never finished watching it since I bought it second hand on TradeMe). When I was younger, I had a bit of crush on Dawson. As I got older, he annoyed the hell out of me!

So, back to Criminal Minds Season 2 and enter lovable but annoying Dawson (who was apparently originally meant to drown in his creek at the end of the series)

And he's the bad guy! A split personality creepy genius with father issues and a drug problem who slaughters people for their sins by slashing their major arteries (plus the one he fed alive to rabid dogs), and then broadcasts it on the web. And he's convincing! Very freaky!

Food For Thought

kushlin@gmail.com — Wed, 28 May 2008 00:59:45 GMT

Having actually got more than a few hours sleep last night, I find my sense of humour (or perhaps sense of sarcasm) is returning.

Firstly, I have made a decision about the multiple pharmaceutical and anaesthetic equipment reps that keep coming to work. They all bring pens and booklets (and yesterday I even got a stopwatch), but I have decided that the degree of my attention they should command is directly proportional to the quality of the chocolate-based treats they bring with them. Today the chocolate ?brownie is average at best.

Secondly (and yes I know, cafeteria food is a food group unto it's self), I chose the "ham and egg" quiche today, only to be confronted by some spectacular false advertising. The "egg" component, an integral part of any quiche, is of the powdered variety, the ham is largely lacking, and there is also tomato (acceptable), chives (reasonable), pumpkin (ugh) and zucchini (what the frick?!?) It's false advertising I tell you! I wonder if the consumer guarantees act applies...

Might have to eat the rep's food after all...

Shakespeare huh...

kushlin@gmail.com — Wed, 14 May 2008 02:12:26 GMT

Your Score: Antony & Cleopatra

You scored 31% = Tragic, 35% = Comic, 34% = Romantic, 51% = Historic

You scored Antony and Cleopatra. Taking place some time after the murder of Julius Caesar, Antony and Cleopatra tells the story of the geopolitical power struggle between Rome and Egypt following the rise of Octavian Caesar to the thrown. The play, however, is not just some stuffy history textbook, full of war and politics; it's also a romantic love story containing elements of passion, jealousy, romance, and revenge. Like Antony, you are probably an outgoing individual, willing to make a few sacrifices in order to do what you think is right. However, like Cleopatra, you may also be a little jealous and vein. Keep doing what you think is right, but make sure you make time for your significant other, otherwise you and/or your lover might end up on the business end of a poisonous asp. Ouch!

Link: The Which Shakespeare Play Are You? Test written by macbee on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(macbee)

Giggles....

kushlin@gmail.com — Sun, 04 May 2008 20:33:32 GMT

DOG DIARY:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt f or the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe..... for now...

For those of you who haven't seen this one...

kushlin@gmail.com — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:38:23 GMT

And lastly (I promise!), I had to share this website - I have been sitting in my office trying to giggle quietly (so as not to alert anyone that I'm not doing any work) for at least 45 minutes so far!

Puddy cat pics have been doing the rounds at work again...

kushlin@gmail.com — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:52:17 GMT

I've seem most of them before, but this one is new:

Is that an ear?

kushlin@gmail.com — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:43:38 GMT

Yesterday I was anaesthetising kids having grommets inserted by the ENT surgeon. A simple procedure that usually only takes about 5 minutes, so we knock the kids out with gas and then just hold the mask on their face to keep them asleep rather than getting into the messy details of IV lines and ventilators etc. You do however have make sure the kid quite deeply anaesthetised as it is painful to have a hole poked in a usually infected eardrum, and it is delicate work - ie: a patient moving is bad!

It takes a bit of practice to get the mask-holding and depth of anaesthesia right (if you don't, the kid stops breathing) and this ENT surgeon is pretty considerate about checking with us and stopping if we need to adjust position etc.

What I hadn't clicked to until yesterday was why he kept asking me "is that an ear?". Surely as an ENT surgeon he should know what an ear looks like!! It was however his way of asking whether I was happy for him to start.

So all morning:
ENT surgeon: "Is that an ear?"
HAPPY anaesthetist: "Yep."

ENT surgeon: "Is that an ear?"
HAPPY anaesthetist: "Looks like it."

ENT surgeon: "Is that an ear?"
HAPPY anaesthetist: "Why doctor, I do believe it is."

ENT surgeon: "Is that an ear?"
WORRIED (about her patient) anaesthetist: "No. It's an albatross."

No idea where the albatross came from.

Hector, Bear and the Bone

kushlin@gmail.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 07:56:58 GMT

WHO'S BONE?

BEAR'S BONE.

HECTOR GIVES UP :-(

BUT... WANNA PLAY?

Because he is so cute!

kushlin@gmail.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 07:51:28 GMT

Life is what happens when you're making other plans

kushlin@gmail.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:04:35 GMT

As usual I've been a bit behind on posting (that whole life getting in the way thing) so here are the highlights:

Got a puppy (Hector), who is gorgeous but unfortunately got a bit of a stomach bug yesterday and was a very sick little dog who got to sleep in my room and get fed paediatric oral rehydration solution through a syringe last night. He is still a bit subdued this morning (different to his usual hyperactive state) but his tail is wagging again and I think my black leather couch is safe from any further puppy puke.

Work is plodding along as usual. I passed my scary practical test a few weeks ago and am gradually being allowed to work more independently since (especially since there is a bit of a staffing deficit at the moment). I did however make my first mistake last week, which for those of you that know my professional style, its a pretty big scary. Fortunately it was reversible etc but it still scared the hell out of me!

Made a flying trip to Auckland over Easter, arriving Friday night and leaving again early afternoon on Monday. Initially stayed with my parents, which didn't go so well (I really shouldn't be surprised by now). Essentially they found having a puppy around (in addition to my sister's much larger black labrador) too much to handle because we went out for two hours and they left him in the laundry with the washing machine going, a sore foot and no bone (and didn't call me when Hector was upset and noisy). The next day some harsh words were had where I was blamed for everything the big dog did (not my dog), keeping people awake, and most spectacularly, making my parents lives difficult with the "choices" I have been making. My father had some particularly lovely things to say about my partner which was really the last straw. I continue to be astounded at the things that they think are ok to say to me and about other people!

So as much as miss various Aucklanders, it was damn good to leave the city and come home!

The latest quiz

kushlin@gmail.com — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:16:31 GMT

Good things

kushlin@gmail.com — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:35:29 GMT

I've been rather overtired, depressed and more than a little bit bitchy this week. Today is however going rather well.

Firstly I slept right through the night for the first time in several months at least. I have a new pillow which I think is helping, and I also worked really hard at the gym yesterday.

Today is Friday, which is always a good thing when I'm not working the weekend.

As far as work goes this week, I've finally got past the steep part of the leaning curve on spinal anaesthetics (getting a needle into the space around the spinal cord and injecting local anaesthetic to make a patient numb for an operation) and achieved success twice! I'd had about five unsuccessful attempts prior to this (it is not easy to get in between the vertebrae and through the right ligaments etc, essentially blind, and especially in older patients with arthritis etc). I have also done two PICC lines (similar to an IV line or drip but with a tunnelled catheter that threads all the way to a big vein the chest or heart so it can stay in for weeks to months).

I'm also not doing much this morning. My scheduled theatre list has had the brakes put on it because we have a staffing shortage, which was has given me a chance to see all me post- and pre-op patients before starting again this afternoon (as well as doing email, LJ and having a leisurely lunch). This is a rarity and I am enjoying it.

Grrrr....

kushlin@gmail.com — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:14:42 GMT

There are some days that I should just stay in bed.

The work part of work is actually going fine, but I had a nasty headache last night and then slept through my alarm this morning and was then running a bit crazy and behind all morning, I've just found out that my bank account is ovedrawn for the second time in a week due to unexpected payments, and I'm developing a distinct sense that one of the consultant's here has decided to strongly dislike me.

She is one of those outwardly nice and cheerful types with lots of anaesthetic experience and I respect that. I've only really worked with her once and quickly discovered that she had a rather acid tongue. The second time I was scheduled to work with her I called in sick because it was the day after I partially tore the rotator cuff in my left shoulder. Today she just got shitty at me because I was used one of the office computers reserved for consultants. I had however been told previously and asked permission in this particular instance to use it as the one computer for the registrars was in use.

Grrrr......

A little light entertainment...

kushlin@gmail.com — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 22:29:08 GMT

So I signed up for a health/diet-related email newsletter and seem to be getting a Women's Health newsletter that contained the following quiz:

Sex Toy or Household Object?

Salty leakage on my pillow

kushlin@gmail.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:06:20 GMT

Those of you that know him may have noticed that I have stopped referring to him as either my husband, ex-husband, by his name or even by his LJ username. I'm not quite sure when I decided to do that, I just kind of happened.

It seems however that since the non-contact started, he has been lurking in the back of mind when I'm awake, and in my dreams when I'm asleep. It's kind of like withdrawal from an addictive substance. I hadn't done much crying for a few weeks but it's started again now. Mainly at night when I go to bed.

Last night, tracyathene and I were discussing the concept of getting old and it suddenly hit me that I had both been planning to and wanted to grow old with my ex. We had even joked about being in adjacent rooms or lazyboy chairs in a resthome talking about the "old" movies. So I cried again. Nothing dramatic, just softly until I fell asleep.

The worst thing about no contact is that he has no idea how I'm feeling or that I'm grieving too. Sometimes I want to write it all down in a letter, or more dramatically, just turn up on his doorstep. But then I think that it might be easier for him if he can just be angry and think of me as callous and uncaring. People tell me that this will get better in time, but in the meantime (and for the record), it's not terribly much fun....

My desire to post has been a little scarce lately

kushlin@gmail.com — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:08:32 GMT

... mainly because I find myself becoming quite a private person. I think this is partly due to being conscious of hurting my ex with something I might say. However, as I have now been officially disowned/disavowed/etc etc by him (including removal from his LJ friends list), I suppose I can be a little more expressive.

I am now living in Whangarei (and have been since December), with tracyathene, initially in a visit and trial capacity, but now in an officially moved in/living together capacity. This is, not surprisingly, why my ex no longer wants any contact with me. While I am upset by this, I guess I had to make up my mind based on what I wanted rather than what might upset him. It's hard for me not to talk to him because I still care and want to know that's he's ok(ish), but I'm trying to respect his wishes.

Living with tracyathene seems to be going well. We have settled into a nice balance of me working and her doing the vast majority of the housework and cooking etc until she gets a job. We occasionally snap at each other but usually only momentarily before one of us (or both) apologises and we talk about whatever is bothering us. As far as being accepted as a same sex couple, we don't appear to have had any problems, eg: when we are out together, and even my parents seem to be getting their head round it.

Work as an anaesthetic registrar is mostly ok. My mood has been a bit low lately, which doesn't help my motivation/attitude but I'm usually alright once I get there and get on with the day. I am struggling a bit with being back at the bottom of the hierachy again and having to learn (slowly it seems) a new skill set. I am used to being able to drop into a job and be good at it, but now, while I am mentally coming to terms with the concepts, the practical skills like spinal anaesthetics are tricky.

Anyway, it's time to go back to work now. Orthopaedics this afternoon.... Watch out for the flying bits of bone!!!

I didn't need a quiz to tell me that....

kushlin@gmail.com — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 23:51:33 GMT

...And I'm not sure I agree anyway...

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 3.43

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

Now this makes more sense to me...

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality

According to my answers, it is likely that I identify as
Past heterosexual, currently homosexual.

Complete set of results

Past heterosexual, currently homosexual:		4
Sequential bisexual:		2
Homosexual:		1
Homosexual with some heterosexuality:		1
Asexual:		0
Concurrent bisexual:		0
Heterosexual:		0
Heterosexual with some homosexuality:		0
Past homosexual, currently heterosexual:		0

Information

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

Take the quiz

... It's a lot like grief really...

kushlin@gmail.com — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 08:59:05 GMT

and I'm not sure if I'm ok or not.

I suffer from depression, have done for about three years now, am medicated (not my favourite thing) and have been seeing a psychologist intermittently to talk and decompress as I need it. I've never made much of a public deal about it, not because it is something I feel the need to hide, but because I've always thought of it as a reactive thing to a combination of work and personal stressors, I don't like to think of myself as "crazy", and that it didn't seem to be enough of a problem to affect my work etc.

Then life happened. My stress levels increased somewhat exponentially with the whole separation thing (and all the conversations that preceded and continue to follow it) and I wasn't coping anymore. So my GP sent me to a psychiatrist. I wasn't happy about it but he actually turned out to be pretty cool, reassured me that I was allowed to be feeling everything I was, changed my medication and suggested I continue to see the psychologist.

Now I'm up in Whangarei and have started my anaesthetics training. I'm pretty good on a day to day basis, I'm enjoying the work and everyone is friendly. But then every few days, what I can only describe as grief hits me like a freight train. Sometimes I try to fight it, other times I just cry.

I can't work out right now whether this is my depression or simply grief for my marriage. It's hard for people around me to cope with, especially tracyathene, who is trying her best to be supportive when all my talk about my marriage makes her feel insecure. And then I feel a funny combination of guilty for that, and yet at the same time, a bit indignant that I should be allowed to be screwed up right now! Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Things I've learnt in the last few days

kushlin@gmail.com — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 08:10:50 GMT

1) My cat does not understand the concept that one should not soil one's travel cage on a journey.

2) My aforementioned cat likes Sarah Mclachlan, Good Charlotte and Nickelback, but protests loudly at Brooke Fraser.

3) Sunshine is not actually a prerequisite for "Sunny Northland".

4) Flat hunting is evil. And if you don't feel safe driving around a particular suburb, there's probably not a lot of point looking at the flats there.

5) You can't make bacon and egg pie if you're so distressed by the supermarket's lack of diet V that you forget the pastry.

6) Mojitos are excellent temporary distress relief.

7) If in doubt on what to use your old basement bomb shelters for nowadays, take a page from Whangarei Hospital and turn them into operating theatres.

And perhaps most importantly,
8) If all else fails, Auckland is only 2 hours drive south.

I've been meaning to post this for a while....

kushlin@gmail.com — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 23:08:42 GMT

This came up in conversation on a recent car trip and we thought it would be fun to get other people's answers.

THE VANILLA VERSION:
Which three big/small screen characters (NOT the actors) would you most like to:
a) Take to bed, and/or
b) Be taken to bed by?
(the difference being who is the instigator/seducer etc)

THE KINKY VERSION (you know who you are....):
Which three big/small screen characters (NOT the actors) would you most like to:
a) Dominate in bed (or wherever else you chose), and
b) Submit to in bed?